SOULLESS: A Review

This may be the most entertaining book of 2009.

Poor Alexia Tarabotti. Living in Victorian London as a spinster is not the most enjoyable of lives. However, Alexia has the extra burden of not having a soul - which has the power to neutralize supernatural powers. She is also half-Italian (another burden) and has just murdered a vampire with her parasol in the library during a party, breaking almost every rule in polite society. When the officials arrive to investigate the murder, the head officer is none other than Lord Maccon - loud, messy, gorgeous and werewolf - who is nursing a secret hankering for Miss Tarabotti.

That's Chapter One. Where do you go from there? Into the realm of hysterical hijinks, drawing room dilemmas and passionate kisses, all served with the very best of tea. SOULLESS asks a very simple question: Can a soulless spinster find love with an Alpha werewolf in Victorian London?

SOULLESS is a delicate literary lampoon, seamlessly merging the darkness of Bram Stoker with the sensibility of Jane Austen set in Charles Dickens' London. Gail Carriger pulls it off with aplomb. The heroine has much in common with Austen's Elizabeth Bennett - witty, forthright and headstrong - but also has the additional talent of being lethal with a parasol. The writing style is very much Austenish, with its formality and cleverness, which induces not merely giggles and snickers but out right guffaws.

Here is a typical paragraph:

Professor Lyall was reminded of his Alpha's origins. He might be a relatively old werewolf, but he had spent much of that time in a barely enlightened backwater city in the Scottish Highlands. All the London ton acknowledged Scotland as a barbaric place. The packs there cared very little for the social niceties of daytime folk. Highland werewolves had a reputation of doing atrocious and highly unwarranted things, like wearing smoking jackets to the dinner table. Lyall shivered at the delicious horror of the very idea.

Sweet, and sublime. Unfortunately, SOULLESS will be invariably compared to the recent Jane Austen "rewrites," Pride & Prejudice & Zombies and Sense & Sensibility & Sea Monsters, but this is much better. In addition to her Austen sensibilities, Carriger also has a bit of Terry Pratchett, P. G. Wodehouse and Douglas Adams in her psyche. SOULLESS contains a complete re-imagining of vampire and werewolf lore, an accurate portrayal of Victorian society, a screwball comedy and a splash of steampunk tossed in for entertainment.

As part one of The Parasol Protectorate, this paves the way for 2010 CHANGELESS, which we are already awaiting with breathlessness. Time for some tea. Bravo, Ms. Carriger.

BIBLIO SAYS: Outstanding! Read it immediately!

COMPANION READ: Omens by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman

THE STRAIN: A Review

So far, this is the most entertaining book of 2009.
A Boeing 777 arrives at JFK and is on its way across the tarmac, when it suddenly stops dead. All window shades are pulled down. All lights are out. All communication channels have gone quiet. Crews on the ground are lost for answers, but an alert goes out to the CDC. Dr. Eph Goodweather, head of their Canary project, a rapid-response team that investigates biological threats, gets the call and boards the plane. What he finds makes his blood run cold. Everyone is dead, and as the hours pass the bodies do not decompose. What's more, the autopsies reveal that their blood has been completed transformed ... to white. What's more, four of the corpses on the plane revive and are taken to the hospital where ...

No, I can't tell you. That is part of the delicious horror that awaits you. Meanwhile, the non-decomposing autopsied bodies disappear from the city morgue and end up wandering the streets of New York, naked, with toe tags dangling.

In a pawnshop in Spanish Harlem, a former professor and survivor of the Holocaust named Abraham Setrakian knows what is happening. He's seen it before. And he knows the time has finally come, a war is brewing . . . and knows that his collection of antique esoteric weapons will come in handy, if he can convince someone - anyone! - the truth about what is happening. The most esoteric item in Abraham's collection is the human heart the old man has kept in a jar since the 1960s. And it's still beating.

Across town, Vasiliy Fet, a tough New York City pest control expert, is puzzled by the millions of rats that are fleeing Manhattan. Fet knows rats flee their domain only when the habitat is taken over by another, more vicious vermin. So he descends into underworld of the New York subway system where a bewildering horror awaits.

So begins a battle of mammoth proportions as the vampiric virus that has infected New York begins to spill out into the streets. Eph, who is joined by Setrakian, Fet and a motley crew of fighters, must now find a way to stop the contagion and save his city--a city that includes his wife and son--before it is too late.
This is part one of a trilogy, volumes two and three are being published in 2010 and 2011. It is an heady mixture of part I Am Legend, part Salem's Lot, part Outbreak, part Blade. The authors are an odd team. Academy Award winning director Guillermo Del Toro (Pan's Labyrinth, Mimic, Blade II and Hellboy) and award winning mystery novelist, Chuck Hogan have written a medical/sci-fi/ horror thriller of epic proportions.

Fast-paced, filled with quirky characters, and moments of sublime horror, this is a must read! Folks, we are talking about an instant classic.

BIBLIO SAYS: Highly recommended!!
Companion Read: I Am Legend by Richard Matheson.

BEST and WORST NOVELS: 2009

TEN BEST NOVELS OF 2009

Unlike many other lists (like The New York Times and other snobbish, elite publications), the books listed here are actually enjoyable. I have listed them in alphabetical order.

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DEVIL'S GARDEN by Ace Atkins
Wow, what a book. The 1921 rape/manslaughter trial of silent film star Roscoe Fatty Arbuckle provides the gritty backdrop for this outstanding crime novel. A wild party thrown by Arbuckle at San Francisco's posh St. Francis Hotel results in tragedy after an actress, Virginia Rappe, is mysteriously injured and later dies. The future creator of Sam Spade, Dashiell Hammett, then a Pinkerton operative living in San Francisco is assigned to help the defense on the Arbuckle case. Outstanding historical crime fiction.



FOOL by Christopher Moore
Think Shakespeare as taken apart by the Marx Brothers with a bit of porn thrown in for good measure. Hilarious!








GROUND ZERO by F. Paul WilsonRead the review. Wilson is one of the best writers working today. If you're not reading the "Repairman Jack" series, any description of this book would be a lost cause. This is THE most exciting and groundbreaking thriller series currently being published.






JAILBAIT ZOMBIE by Mario Acevedo
*Full Disclosure: Author Acevedo is a friend of theBibliofile.* This time around, vampire PI, Felix Gomez takes on a coven of zombies in Colorado. More sex, violence and frivolity as only Acevedo can do.







THE LAST CHILD by John Hart
This is an excellent and very brooding story of obsession. After a year Johnny Merrimon is still obsessed with the disappearance of his twin sister, Alyssa. His mother is obsessed with the abandonment of her husband (Johnny's father) due to stress of the disappearance; police detective Clyde Hunt is obsessed with his failure to solve the crime and has become obsessed with Johnny's mother. Dark, brooding and entertaining.




ONE SECOND AFTER by William Fortschen
Read the review. One of the scariest books you will ever read.

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!






THE STRAIN by Guillermo Del Toro and Chuch Hogan
Possibly the best book of 2009. An instant classic! A vampiric virus takes over Manhattan within a week. One month later, America will be completely infected. Two months - the entire world. Mammoth horror novel (this is part one) about the battle to contain the outbreak and deal with the growing horror. Read the review.





SOULLESS by Gail Carriger, Book 1 in "The Parasol Protectorate"Probably the most entertaining book of 2009. Read the review. Jane Austen channeled through Bram Stoker, Charles Dickens and Miss Manners. The heroine, Alexia Tarabotti and Austen's Elizabeth Bennett would be kindred spirits, except that Alexia has no soul and is able to disable vampires and werewolves with a touch of her hand and a thrust of her parasol. Let's hope when Hollywood makes this into a movie, it doesn't screw up this delightful story. Bravo, Ms. Carriger
Trust me, read this book.


THE WOMEN OF NELL GWYNNE'S by Kage Baker
Another great steampunk novella, set in 1844 London, this time written by an old pro. This story follows the exploits of the harlots of the exclusive establishment known as Nell Gwynne's, where they gather intelligence for the shadowy Gentlemen's Speculative Society. A great look at the Victorian era which is neatly spiced up with futuristic technology such as mechanical eye implants - an intriguing, bawdy and funny confection.




UNDER THE DOME by Stephen King
Read the review. This is a great book for 990 pages - too bad the ending is sooooo flat. Remember how pissed you were when you got to the end of It? Same here.

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WORST NOVELS OF 2009

To make this list the book either had to be either major disappointment or just truly bad. This list could be soo much long, but we chose the honor the creme de la shit.

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SOUTH OF BROAD by Pat Conroy

MAJOR disappointment.
Read the review.
The worse book this year, next year AND last year.






THE LOST SYMBOL by Dan Brown

DISAPPOINTMENT, but not surprising.
Read the review. B-O-R-I-N-G.

RETURN TO SULLIVAN'S ISLAND by Dorthea Benton Frank

BAD, BAD, BAD.

Read the review. So awful ... it's painful to think about it.





THE SCARPETTA FACTOR by Patricia Cornwell

DISAPPOINTMENT, but not surprising. This used to be such a great series. Then Cornwell tried to get literary by writing several books in present tense, and getting bogged down in long, detailed side trips with characters and drama that turn out to be irrelevant and unnecessary. This book is no different: Agee, his hearing problems, Berger and her romance woes with Lucy, the ridiculous voodoo/poo-poo bomb, Hap and his necrophilia, the missing Blackberry. RIDICULOUS!

ALEX CROSS' TRIAL
I, ALEX CROSS
8TH CONFESSION
MAX
RUN FOR YOUR LIFE
SWIMSUIT
WATCH THE SKIES
WITCH AND WIZARD all by James Patterson (with multiple co-authors)
James Patterson is to writing what Jennifer Lopez is to acting. It's a no brainer that every Patterson book is awful. Any writer who says, "I just want to be the thrillingest thriller writer in the world," does not deserve to be read.

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Have a great 2010. Looking forward to several new books this year like:

A DARK MATTER by Peter Straub
CHANGELESS by Gail Carriger
JACK: SECRET CIRCLES by F. Paul Wilson
FATAL ERROR: F. Paul Wilson
HIDDEN EMPIRE by Orson Scott Card
THE GIRL WHO CHASED THE MOON by Sarah Addison Allen

Happy Reading.

RETURN TO SULLIVAN'S ISLAND: A Review

Frank's first novel, Sullivan's Island, was a best-seller. It was the story of a successful middle-ag

ed woman, Susan Hamilton Hayes, who discovers her husband is having an affair. So she returns home to her family's beach cottage in the Charleston low country to rebuild her life with her moody teenage daughter, Beth. She is mothered back to emotional health by the black family cook who has all the wise knowledge of the world that Susan doesn't.

The next novel was called Plantation. A middle-aged woman named Caroline Wimbley Levine returns to her family's home at Tall Pines Plantation on Edisto Island in the low country after her mother's death and reflects on her life.

Next up was:

• Isle of Palms. Anna Lutz Abbot returns home to the Isle of Palms (in the Charleston low country) to rebuilt her life.
• Shem Creek. Linda Breland, single mother, returns home to Shem Creek (in the Charleston low country) to run a restaurant and re-build her life.
• Pawley's Island. Abigail Thurmond spends most of her days playing golf and gossiping with her best friend, the portly, lovably aristocratic Huey Valentine. But when her life is disrupted she re-builds her life in the Charleston low country.
• Full of Grace: The Russos (from New Jersey) retire to the South Carolina low country island Hilton Head and commence to disrupt the quiet island life.
• Land of Mango Sunsets. Miriam Elizabeth Swanson's husband leaves her for a younger woman and she flees Manhattan to ... (GUESS WHERE?) Charleston and the low country to heal her soul.
• Bulls Island. Betts McGee fled Charleston for Manhattan before her marriage to J.D. Now, years later, Betts is a successful middle-aged real estate developer who returns to Charleston to help develop a former wild life refuge ... and guess who her business partner is?

And now, inexplicably, Frank's new novel is titled Return To Sullivan's Island, even though there are at least a dozen more South Carolina sea islands to write about. This time around, Beth Hayes, daughter of Susan Hamilton Hayes, heroine of Sullivan's Island, returns home to house sit while Mom travels to Paris for a year. The story (and the entire book) is quite ridiculous and bad. Every character is shallow and boring. The prose and dialogue makes Nicholas Spark seem like John Irving. But, of course, if you've read any of the previous Frank novels ... you're not surprised.

My suggestion of titles for Frank's next books:

• Plantation, Too
• Isle of Palms: Turtle Terror
• Swinging in Pawley's Island
• Grace: Full of Shit
• Land of Mango Sunrises
• Bull Island Rumble

And then she could move to other islands along the South Carolina coast: Edisto Island; Wadlamaw Island; St. Helena's Island; James Island; Johns Island; Seabrook Island; Kiawah Island.

BIBLIO SAYS: Stay far, far away.

A SUMMER AFFAIR: A Review

How bad is this novel? Let me count the ways.

1. Main character is named Claire Danner Crispin. She lives in Nantucket. The perfect woman: she has a successful and devoted husband, four children and she is an artist. (She is a glass blower with a piece displayed in the Whitney Museum.) BUT, she has stopped her art work because she has no free time dealing with the children, even though she has an au pair (not a nanny!). Claire is also tightly wound and guilty about everything in her life.
2. Husband (who used to be perfect) now likes to watch TV and drink beer.
3. Claire's former boyfriend is one of the world's biggest rock stars.
4. Claire is appointed to be in charge of a fundraiser (they want her former boyfriend to play a benefit) and she gets the hots for her co-chairman.
5. They have an affair and Claire's life goes into meltdown over the guilt.

Trust me, the book is even worse than the description sounds. It is filled with shallow and pretentious people who think they are down-to-earth. Claire has guilt-breakdowns over every little detail in her life. She is so unlikeable that any man who would want to have an sexual relationship with her is not a man I'd like to know.

BIBLIO SAYS: Avoid, or you'll feel as guilty as Claire, and just as screwed.

FOREVER AMBER: A Review

Forever Amber, which sold 3 million copies during the first year of its publication (1944), and went on to become a bestseller in 16 countries. Kathleen Winsor's story of an English adventuress who becomes one of the mistresses of Charles II was banned in Boston as "obscene and offensive." The Massachusetts attorney general listed 70 references to sexual intercourse, 39 illegitimate pregnancies, seven abortions, 10 descriptions of women undressing in front of men, and 49 "miscellaneous objectionable passages."

Amber St. Clair is the illegitimate child of unmarried aristocrats, born during the English Civil Wars of 1640-50. Raised in the English countryside she manages to sleeps her way to London, where she is abandoned by her lover, Lord Bruce Carlton - pregnant and alone at age sixteen. She then sleeps with several men who pay for her favors, marries a cad who steals her money and ends up in prison. She sleeps with a charming rogue to get herself out of prison, becomes a thief, then an actress, a mistress of Charles II and then marries a rich elderly man. Upon his death, she is left a wealthy woman. At this point we are not even at the halfway point of the book.

Forever Amber has obvious plot similarities to Gone with the Wind - a civil war, a dashing privateer /blockade runner, a determined heroine named for a color, the contrast between a corrupt society and its slaves and servants.

Reading it today ... your reaction is mainly ... *yawn*. First of all, Amber is nothing more than a selfish, self-centered shallow social climber who beds, weds and beds man-after-man to obtain her goal of wealth. For the one man she does love, Lord Carlton (privateer), Amber freely two-times her husband in order to have a brief sexual affair with her come-and-go lover.

And then we get to the section of the novel that most people think as the redeeming section of the novel: the plague that sweeps across England. When Lord Carlton is infected, Amber heroically throws caution to the wind (gone with the wind?) to care for him, and ignored her own safety. When he survives, he decides that although he loves Amber, Carlton could not lower himself to marry her; he leaves to establish a tobacco plantation in Virginia.

Most people see Amber's heroic efforts during the plague (and later the Great Fire of 1666) to be her character's redemption. I beg to differ. Since Lord Carlton ultimately abandons her (again) I think it is merely just desserts for her past behavior. Unlike her more famous counterpart (Scarlett O'Hara) whose behavior, while self-centered, is more broadly a way to protect her family after disaster and an attempt to regain what has been lost. Amber is a nothing more than an opportunistic whore. The reader never once cares if she is successful. In fact, this reader kept hoping that more misery would heaped upon the unlikable Amber.

However, the book is well-written, and the sections that deal with the plague and Great Fire are justly famous for their harrowing and accurate historical description, but by the time you get to those sections (past page 500) it is too little too late.

BIBLIO SAYS: Avoid like the plague. :-)

Companion Read: Gone With the Wind by Margaret Mitchell.
Restoration by Rose Tremain

BEST BOOKS WRITTEN BY LEFT-HANDERS

THE ADVENTURES OF HUCKLEBERRY FINN by Mark Twain
An all-time classic. Funny, sad and perceptive. Huck is the 19th century Holden Caulfield. The people that wish to ban this book due to the use of the word "nigger" are people that should never have any modicum of power over anyone.

ALICE IN WONDERLAND by Lewis Carroll
What a long strange trip it's been.

AND LADIES OF THE CLUB by Helen Hoover Santmeyer
It took author Santmeyer 50 years to compete this massive novel (1400 pages!). It follows the lives of several women in Wayesboro, Ohio post-Civil War who begin a study club. Published in 1982 by the Ohio State Press ALOTC only sold a few hundred copies during the first two years. Then, a filmmaker begin to inquire about purchasing the rights to make a mini-series and the book began to get publicity and in 1984, it was chosen to be a main selection for the Book-of-the-Month Club and became the best-selling novel that year. Santmeyer by that time was living in a nursing home.

FAIRY TALES by Hans Christian Andersen
Includes: The Emperor's New Clothes; The Little Match Girl, The Little Mermaid; The Princess and the Pea; The Red Shoes; The Snow Queen; Thumbelina; The Ugly Duckling.

THE FRIENDLY PERSUASION by Jessamyn West
A great novel about pacifist Quakers in southern Indiana during the American Civil War. Made into the classic Hollywood movie starring Gary Cooper and Dorothy McGuire.

GO TELL IT ON THE MOUNTAIN by James Baldwin
The ground-breaking semi-autobiographical novel by Baldwin that examines racism and the effect of the Christian church on American blacks.

THE GUNS OF THE SOUTH by Harry Turtledove
Robert E. Lee is offered the chance to purchase AK-47s after the battle of Gettysburg. A fun alternate history novel.

THE HITCH-HIKERS GUIDE TO THE GALAXY by Douglas Adams
No explanation necessary. If you've read, you know. If you haven't read, shame on you.

THE INVISIBLE MAN by H. G. Wells
ISLAND OF DR. MOREAU by H.G. Wells
Two all-time classics by Mr. Wells.

THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE by Richard Condon
One of the most paranoid and disturbing novels ever written. If you only know this story from the most recent Hollywood movie version starring Denzel Washington, then you have no idea how great this story is. If you insist on watching it as a movie, then the 1962 version starring Frank Sinatra, Janet Leight and Angela Lansbury is HIGHLY RECOMMENDED. You will never look at Angela Lansbury the same ever again.

THE OPTIMIST'S DAUGHTER by Eudora Welty
The 1972 Pulitzer Prize winner.

PRIZZI'S HONOR by Richard Condon
Another twisted dark comic novel by Condon about a mob hit man and hit woman who fall in love and then are hired to kill each other. It's kinda like The Godfather meets The Munsters.

TALES OF THE SOUTH PACIFIC by James Michener
A book of Pulitzer Prize winning short stories that became the basis of the classic Broadway show South Pacific.
THE TIME MACHINE by H.G. Wells
Another Wells classic.

THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS by Lewis Carroll
Another strange trip with Mr. Carroll.

THE TRIAL by Franz Kafka
One of the most frustrating and disturbing books ever.

THE WAR OF THE WORLDS by H.G. Wells
No explanation necessary.