RETURN TO SULLIVAN'S ISLAND: A Review

Frank's first novel, Sullivan's Island, was a best-seller. It was the story of a successful middle-ag

ed woman, Susan Hamilton Hayes, who discovers her husband is having an affair. So she returns home to her family's beach cottage in the Charleston low country to rebuild her life with her moody teenage daughter, Beth. She is mothered back to emotional health by the black family cook who has all the wise knowledge of the world that Susan doesn't.

The next novel was called Plantation. A middle-aged woman named Caroline Wimbley Levine returns to her family's home at Tall Pines Plantation on Edisto Island in the low country after her mother's death and reflects on her life.

Next up was:

• Isle of Palms. Anna Lutz Abbot returns home to the Isle of Palms (in the Charleston low country) to rebuilt her life.
• Shem Creek. Linda Breland, single mother, returns home to Shem Creek (in the Charleston low country) to run a restaurant and re-build her life.
• Pawley's Island. Abigail Thurmond spends most of her days playing golf and gossiping with her best friend, the portly, lovably aristocratic Huey Valentine. But when her life is disrupted she re-builds her life in the Charleston low country.
• Full of Grace: The Russos (from New Jersey) retire to the South Carolina low country island Hilton Head and commence to disrupt the quiet island life.
• Land of Mango Sunsets. Miriam Elizabeth Swanson's husband leaves her for a younger woman and she flees Manhattan to ... (GUESS WHERE?) Charleston and the low country to heal her soul.
• Bulls Island. Betts McGee fled Charleston for Manhattan before her marriage to J.D. Now, years later, Betts is a successful middle-aged real estate developer who returns to Charleston to help develop a former wild life refuge ... and guess who her business partner is?

And now, inexplicably, Frank's new novel is titled Return To Sullivan's Island, even though there are at least a dozen more South Carolina sea islands to write about. This time around, Beth Hayes, daughter of Susan Hamilton Hayes, heroine of Sullivan's Island, returns home to house sit while Mom travels to Paris for a year. The story (and the entire book) is quite ridiculous and bad. Every character is shallow and boring. The prose and dialogue makes Nicholas Spark seem like John Irving. But, of course, if you've read any of the previous Frank novels ... you're not surprised.

My suggestion of titles for Frank's next books:

• Plantation, Too
• Isle of Palms: Turtle Terror
• Swinging in Pawley's Island
• Grace: Full of Shit
• Land of Mango Sunrises
• Bull Island Rumble

And then she could move to other islands along the South Carolina coast: Edisto Island; Wadlamaw Island; St. Helena's Island; James Island; Johns Island; Seabrook Island; Kiawah Island.

BIBLIO SAYS: Stay far, far away.